September 24, 2019

how to fall in love with yourself

Samantha Palmeri, Good Job, 2019, oil, charcoal, and pigment on canvas, 50 x 54 inches

It seems like everything happens in the fall.

Three years ago in October I was on the floor pretending to be a dolphin sobbing like a baby. sort of if I can remember correctly, in between writhing around and laying in a fetal position in a dark room full of strangers all doing the same thing. except for the sobbing part, because when the instructor said to give yourself a big hug and tell yourself you loved yourself, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who burst into tears. At that moment I couldn't have been farther away from knowing what that felt like or how to do it. Three years later I am not sobbing on the floor, but this notion of self-love still eludes me.

When you google self-love, some twenty something with a nose ring and perfect eyeliner appears on a video saying maybe you haven't done this or thought about it in like a year or so, so here's what you should do. really? Millennial self-help is such an oxymoron.

How to fall in love with yourself could very well be the most cliche thing ever. but what if it's like the most important question to ask. after all, trying to figure out how to fall in love with someone else or how to get them to fall in love with you is exhausting and counterproductive. I'm starting to understand, or at least pretending really hard to, that all that matters is the being okay with yourself part.

So, I'm willing to give this thing a try. TRY
or Don't Try as Charles Bukowski would say, but either way it's just there, and you're just there, and whether you meet in the middle, fall madly in love, or go to the bar and forget all about it, it's still gonna be there no matter what, so you might as well..........

This article might not legitimately be about life as a working artist, but you know, confidence goes a long way. My work is about relationships, and this probably is the most important one.


Michael Kriegh said...

Yah, totally about life as a working artist, you kidding? I think one of the most fundamental steps you need to take as an artist is to have faith in your vision, your vision! That's a kind of self love, isn't it. Little else matters in being an artist. Well, maybe some minimal resources and a few people who get and love your art. Yes, that helps...

Samantha Palmeri said...

Thank you Michael!!

Hot Buttered Media said...

The idea of self-love has also eluded and frustrated me. I don't get it as a concept. Love needs an object and it's hard to be your own object. I can now wrap my head around self-acceptance because that makes sense and seems doable. Self-love...seriously, if you said "I love you" to yourself in the mirror a hundred times a day, would it make a difference? I don't think so unfortunately.

Samantha Palmeri said...

So glad you left this comment. It's an inexhaustible topic that I am just starting to seriously think about.. Oh so many things to catch up with you about!!
I think self-acceptance IS self-love. I think the words can mess with us but the meaning is the important part. I just read about how having empathy for your own self is the only way you can have empathy for anyone else which caught me by surprise because, again, different wording, but maybe the same meaning and I thought gee I don't think of myself that way at all. It's all really about being present and non-judgmental, which let's face it is like the most difficult thing ever!